Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Summary)

Hello to all my new subscribers. Thank You again for your trust in subscribing to my email list. The purpose of this newsletter is to give you all the key takeaways from the book so that once you start reading it, it is easy for you to understand. Remember that these key takeaways or summaries might give you the basic concepts the book shows, but it is just like a drop in the ocean. As an average book contains around 200 to 250 pages, 30 key insights can never give the full depth of what the book wants to give you.

The First Part of the series is on negotiation, and you will be given 30 book takeaways with one book per day from Monday to Thursday. After the books are done, there will be a master summary that will summarize all the key points of the 30 books together. If you like it, then do share it with others like yourselves. May Allah Increase Our Knowledge. Thank You.

1. Different Types of Feedback: The book introduces three categories of feedback - appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. Appreciation makes us feel recognized and valued, coaching aims at improving our skills, and evaluation tells us where we stand in relation to expectations or standards. It’s crucial to know what type of feedback you’re receiving because each serves a different purpose and should be handled differently.

2. Dealing with Emotions: Feedback can evoke many emotions, from happiness to defensiveness. These emotional responses are natural, but it's important to manage them. This means acknowledging your emotions but not letting them cloud your judgment or prevent you from hearing what is being said.

3. Handling Tough Feedback: Evaluation feedback, such as performance reviews, can be difficult to accept. It's easy to feel judged. The book suggests that it's important to remember that this feedback is just one perspective and not a definitive statement on your worth or abilities.

4. Coaching for Betterment: Coaching feedback is about development and improvement. It’s like having a mentor guiding you. While it can be challenging, being receptive to coaching feedback can lead to significant personal and professional development.

5. Feeling Valued with Appreciation: Appreciation feedback is about acknowledging and valuing a person’s contributions. It boosts morale and motivation. It’s more than just feeling good; it creates a positive environment and encourages continued effort and commitment.

6. Bridging the Feedback Gap: Misunderstandings can arise when there’s a gap between what the feedback giver intends to say and what the receiver understands. Recognizing and addressing this gap is important for effective communication and understanding.

7. Staying on Track: ‘Switchtracking’ occurs when a conversation about feedback gets derailed by another issue. It’s crucial to keep the conversation focused on the original feedback topic to ensure that the feedback is properly addressed and understood.

8. Identity and Feedback: Feedback can sometimes shake our self-perception and identity. The book emphasizes the importance of separating the feedback from your self-worth and viewing it as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack.

9. Understanding Feedback Triggers: Recognizing triggers like truth (doubting the accuracy of feedback), relationship (issues with the person giving feedback), and identity (how the feedback affects our self-view) can help us understand our reactions and manage them better.

10. Dealing with Truth Triggers: When we feel the feedback is inaccurate, it’s easy to dismiss it outright. However, the book encourages an open-minded approach where you consider the possibility that there might be some truth, even if it’s not immediately apparent.

11. Navigating Relationship Triggers: The dynamics of our relationship with the feedback giver can influence how we receive their feedback. It's important to be aware of these dynamics and try to separate the message from the messenger.

12. Handling Identity Triggers: Feedback that challenges our sense of self can be particularly tough. Developing resilience and a strong sense of self can help us accept such feedback as a point of growth rather than a threat.

13. Asking for Clarity: If feedback is vague or confusing, asking for specific examples or clarification is essential. This helps in understanding the feedback fully and how you can act on it.

14. Growth Mindset and Feedback: Adopting a growth mindset, where you see skills and abilities as something that can be developed, makes receiving and acting on feedback more productive. It encourages a focus on learning and improvement.

15. The Simple Power of Thanks: Expressing gratitude for feedback, even if it’s hard to hear, can be very powerful. It demonstrates maturity, openness to learning, and respect for the person who took the time to provide feedback.

16. Feedback and Self-Esteem: Protecting our self-esteem is a natural instinct, but it can sometimes hinder growth. It’s important to balance self-compassion with a willingness to evaluate and learn from the feedback critically.

17. Self-Check Before Feedback: Regular self-assessment can make external feedback less surprising. It also encourages a habit of self-reflection and continuous improvement.

18. Feedback-Friendly Culture: Cultivating an environment where feedback is regularly given, received, and valued can be beneficial for everyone. It creates a culture of openness and continuous improvement.

19. When Feedback Feels Unfair: It’s important to analyze feedback objectively, especially when it feels unjust. Sometimes, it might require a calm and clear conversation for clarification or expressing your perspective.

20. Listening Well: Active listening, which involves fully concentrating and understanding the feedback without premature judgments, is crucial. It ensures you're truly understanding the feedback and the giver’s intentions.

21. Managing Too Much Feedback: When bombarded with too much feedback, it’s important to prioritize. Focus on the feedback that is most relevant and beneficial for your growth.

22. Setting Boundaries: You have the right to set boundaries around how and when you receive feedback, especially if it’s unsolicited or given in a harmful manner.

23. Feedback from Multiple Sources: Gathering feedback from various sources provides a more rounded perspective. It helps to balance biases and get a clearer picture.

24. Overcoming Resistance to Feedback: Understanding and acknowledging our own resistance to feedback is a critical step. Once we recognize our defensiveness, we can work to overcome it.

25. Feedback and Emotional Intelligence: Developing emotional intelligence, which involves understanding your own emotions and those of others, is crucial in effectively giving and receiving feedback.

26. Dealing with Contradictory Feedback: When you receive conflicting feedback, it’s important to analyze the reasons behind the differing perspectives. It can offer insights into how different people perceive your actions.

27. Taking Action After Feedback: Taking clear and deliberate action after receiving feedback is important. It shows that you value the feedback and are committed to improvement.

28. Understanding Why You Got Feedback: Not all feedback is meant for you to change something. Sometimes, it's just to make you aware of how your actions are perceived. Understanding the intent behind the feedback is crucial.

29. Balancing Feedback with Your Own Voice: While feedback is invaluable, it’s also important to trust your own instincts and values. Finding a balance between external guidance and internal beliefs is key.

30. Feedback as a Learning Tool: Approaching feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow can profoundly change how we view and use it. It becomes a tool for continuous personal and professional development.