- Books Paradise
- Posts
- Thanks For The Feedback
Thanks For The Feedback
By Douglas Stone
Embracing Feedback Reception: You know, it's not just about how feedback is given, but really about how we take it in. When we get feedback, it's like we're in the driver's seat. We decide if it's going to make a difference or not. So, the key is to be open and really hear what's being said.
Three Flavors of Feedback: Feedback comes in three flavors: evaluation, which is like a report card; coaching, which is like getting tips to up your game; and appreciation, which is a pat on the back. Knowing what type you're getting helps a lot in understanding the message.
Emotional Triggers in Feedback: When we get feedback, it can hit some emotional buttons, you know? It's like our feelings jump in and can cloud our judgment. Getting a handle on these reactions helps us see the feedback more clearly.
Sorting Out Triggers: There are three primary triggers for feedback. Truth triggers make us question if the feedback is fair, relationship triggers are about who’s giving it, and identity triggers are like a mirror to how we see ourselves. Understanding these can really help us process feedback better.
Feedback: A Look Back and Forward: Feedback usually has two parts: one that looks back, like a reflection on what happened, and one that looks forward, like advice for the future. Getting this perspective helps us understand where the person giving feedback is coming from.
Managing Truth Triggers: To deal with truth triggers is like being a detective. You have to look at your blind spots and try to see things from the other person's point of view. It's all about finding the middle ground.
Navigating Relationship Triggers: Relationship triggers are tricky. They make us react more to who’s giving the feedback than the feedback itself. It's like, “Do I even like this person?” But if we separate the message from the messenger, we can get to the heart of the feedback.
Dissecting Identity Triggers: Identity triggers are about our self-story. When feedback messes with that, it can feel like our world is shaking. Adopting a growth mindset helps us see feedback as a chance to evolve, not a verdict on who we are.
The Anatomy of a Feedback Conversation: A good feedback chat has a beginning, middle, and end. Start by getting on the same page, then dive into the nitty-gritty, and wrap up by deciding what’s next. It’s like a three-act play where everyone understands their part.
Incorporating Feedback into Life: Taking feedback on board is like a puzzle. Focus on one piece at a time, look at different ways to tackle it, try small changes, and remember to keep the feedback giver in the loop. It’s all about making adjustments that stick.
Feedback’s Many Faces: Feedback is all around us. It’s not just what people say; it’s also in the actions and reactions of others. It can be direct, like a performance review, or subtle, like someone not finishing the dish you cooked. It’s all valuable info.
The Subjectivity of Feedback: Remember, feedback isn’t black and white. It’s shaded with people’s judgments and interpretations. It’s not about getting rid of these views but understanding them to see the bigger picture.
Individual Responses to Feedback: We all react to feedback differently. It’s like we have emotional ‘settings’: our usual mood, how much feedback shakes us up, and how quickly we bounce back. Understanding our own settings helps us handle feedback better.
The Influence of Brain Chemistry: Our brain wiring plays a big part in how we handle stress and feedback. But it's not all about neurons and chemicals. The stories we tell ourselves about the feedback can shape our reactions just as much.
Feedback’s Three Main Triggers: Feedback can trigger us in three main ways. Sometimes, we think the feedback is just wrong (truth triggers), sometimes it’s about who’s giving it (relationship triggers), and sometimes it’s about our self-image (identity triggers). Knowing these triggers helps us react better.
Peeling Back Layers of Truth Triggers: When truth triggers hit, it's about dissecting the feedback. We need to look at where it's coming from and where it's aiming to go. It's like digging into a mystery to find the real story.
Tackling Your Truth Trigger: Controlling your truth trigger involves knowing yourself. For example, are there things you're not seeing (blind spots)? Then, it’s about looking for differences, not just wrongs, and finding what’s correct or helpful in the feedback.
Relationship Triggers and Feedback: Relationship triggers are all about our feelings towards the person giving the feedback. It’s like, “Do I respect this person enough to take their advice?” Handling these triggers means separating the feedback from our feelings about the person.
Understanding Systems in Relationships: To really get the dynamics in relationships, we need to think of them as part of a bigger system. It’s like looking at the whole picture, not just two people. This way, we can understand where conflicts are coming from.
Identity and Feedback: When feedback hits our identity, it’s like questioning our own story. We need to be flexible in our self-view and open to growth. It’s about not letting feedback shake the core of who we think we are.
Ditching Identity Labels: We often label ourselves – like “I’m a great cook” or “I’m always organized”. But these labels can box us in. Dropping these labels helps us stay open to feedback without feeling like it attacks our identity.
Cultivating a Feedback-Friendly Culture: In organizations, promoting a culture that welcomes feedback is key. It’s about learning, growing, and being open to change. This helps everyone – from the top brass to the newbies.
The Ripple Effect of Feedback: Did you know that being good at taking feedback can lead to more job satisfaction and better relationships? It’s like having a superpower that helps us adapt and grow in both work and life.
Separating Feedback Types: When we get feedback, it’s helpful to separate the types. Like, is this an evaluation, some advice, or just a thank you? Knowing this helps us understand the message and not get overwhelmed.
Balancing Acceptance and Learning: Feedback lives where our need to be accepted meets our desire to learn and improve. It’s a delicate balance – we want to grow but also feel okay with who we are right now.
Common Feedback Misinterpretations: We often misread feedback due to emotional biases, habitual behaviors, and misunderstanding intent versus impact. It’s like having blinders on that color how we see things.
Objective and Subjective in Feedback: While feedback might seem all about facts, there’s a lot of personal interpretation in it. It’s not just about the cold, hard truths but also about understanding where the other person is coming from.
Feedback’s Role in Organizational Systems: In workplaces, feedback must fit within the larger system – like the roles people play and the overall culture. It’s about understanding the big picture to make feedback work.
Adapting to Feedback’s Challenges: Adapting to feedback involves recognizing our complexities and not being too hard on ourselves. It’s about learning from mistakes and being open to change.
Abandoning Simplistic Identity Labels: We often label ourselves too simply, making feedback feel like a personal attack. Letting go of these labels helps us take feedback more constructively without feeling like it’s challenging our whole identity.